The Sanzo Incident II
by NellySama
Summary: COMPLETE: Sequel to the Sanzo Incident! This time there is a plot!not really More mayhem! More randomness, and Coconut goodyness, and movie spinoffs! Final Fanatasy x over! Bagel! R
1. Chapter 1

The Sanzo Incident II

By: NellySama

Disclaimer: I don't' own Saiyuki it belongs to Kazuyas Minerkura.

AN: I'm baaack! With a sequel to the Sanzo Incident, destined to be filled with Rinoa bashing and staplers! Please stay tuned!

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Chapter 1 – Staplers, paperclips, and Rinoa.

Sanzo parked his car and walked around a corner and entered a huge building. He walked into his office and went to work, filing papers.

There was a knock at the door, Hakkai walked in.

Hakkai: Good morning Sanzo! How are you this day? Good. Want some coffee? O.K. I'll be right back. –waves and leaves-

Sanzo: What the hell? –stares at the door, then intently on the door knob- Pray thee! Was't this? –gets up and looks closely- I can see myself! Great Scott! I can't beli-

**WHACK**

The door opens and hits Sanzo in the face, giving him a bloody nose. Hakkai stands holding two coffee mugs.

Hakkai: Oh gawd, Sanzo!

Sanzo: Dang it Hakkai! You klutz! –sees blood- ACK BLOOD! –faints-

Hakkai: Crap Sanzo! DON'T MOVE! –puts the coffee on the desk and grabs two staplers-

Sanzo: -awakens- Hakkai, what are you doing with those! –faints again-

Hakkai: CLEAR! –staples Sanzo's chest- Live darn you!

Sanzo: OWW!

Hakkai: Why wont you live! –staples again-

Sanzo: I'M ALIVE! –sits up and takes the staplers from Hakkai- Those are dangerous!

Hakkai wasn't listening, he was staring at Sanzo with shock, awe, and wonder. Sanzo stood up and stared back at Hakkai

Sanzo: What are you looking at?

Hakkai: I- I can't believe it… I've done it. I've created… a thing.

Sanzo: A thing? What?

Hakkai: No. I can't remember the…

Sanzo: Word? –blink, blink, stare-

Hakkai: Yes that's it! –puts his hands on his hips and puffs out his chest- I've created a Sanzo! Yes! Go Me!

**BAM**

Gojyo slammed the door open. He was flossing his teeth with a strawberry fruit-rollup.

Gojyo: 'Sup my homies? –eats the roll up-

Sanzo: Hey! I wanted that!

Gojyo: Uh no! –sits in a chair, spinning around- WHEE! Look at me I'm spinning!

Hakkai: I… must… -stares at a wall- go… -turns and heads towards the door-

Sanzo: Where? There is no where to go but home! –spins the chair Gojyo is in-

Hakkai: No! I can go to the Janitorial closet! –leaves-

Hakkai leaves Sanzo and Gojyo to go to the Janitors closet. Sanzo and Gojyo play spin the chair until both are throwing up out the window. Hakkai knocks on the Janitors closet door.

Hakkai: Excuse me, sir, may I enter?

Goku replies from the other side.

Goku: What? I can't hear what you said, I'm on the other side.

Hakkai: -gasp- _The_ other side! Goku, the great janitor is dead! Oh woe is me! –falls to his knees- Why, Goku, why?

Goku: I'm not dead! I'm on the other side! –pounds on the door-

Hakkai: You must be dead to be on the other side!

Goku: Can it be! But if I'm dead how am I able to speak?

(pronounced: Hanitor)

Hakkai: Janitor. –calm voice-

Goku: Yes? –blink, blink stare-

Hakkai: You're a…

Goku: A what! A what! Tell me! C'mon!

Hakkai: A GHOST! BOO!

Goku: AAAAAHHHH! –shrieks, a loud bang on the door, it opens and Goku rolls out- HAKKAI!

Hakkai: Janitor! You're alive! –squeezes Goku-

Goku: ACK! GRAGH! I can't breath! I think I'm gunna-

**POP!**

Goku imploded into confetti, Hakkai squealed with glee and began dancing in circles in the falling confetti. Hakkai returns to Sanzo's office to find him and Gojyo gluing paperclips to the walls.

Gojyo: He's back! Get 'Im! –tackles Hakkai and glues a paperclip to his nose- Welcome to Paperclip land!

Sanzo: Home of the true blue, bonafied, paperclip! –holds one up with pride- See?

Hakkai: Huh Uh! You're wrong!

Sanzo: What? Why? -looks at the paperclip-

Gojyo: Monkey! –points to the paperclip- its Goku!

The paperclip was indeed Goku. After her imploded he became the size of a paperclip, and when he talked it sounded like he was sucking helium.

Goku: Yeah its me! –squeak-

The others stare at Goku intensely, then burst out laughing. Suddenly, there's a knock on Sanzo's office door. It get very quiet.

Sanzo: -clears throat- Ahem. What is it?

Voice: I, uhm, I'm here for a job application.

Sanzo: Well good for you. Come in.

As the person enters, Sanzo hands everyone a stapler, and they hide it behind their backs. The person walks in and closes the door. Its Rinoa (FF 8 or 7)( requested by my new friend Tasha)

Rinoa: Is this where I'm supposed to go for job applications?

Goku:-sitting on Sanzo's shoulder- No way! –squeak-

Rinoa: -looks around- Uhm, what was that sound?

Gojyo: What sound?

Rinoa: I swear I heard a squeaking noise…

Sanzo: LIAR! There were not a squeaking sound! –points accusingly-

Rinoa: What! Why would I lie? I told you I heard a squeaking sound! –gulps, sensing danger-

Hakkai: I can't believe you would lie to people that you just met!

The three of them back Rinoa into a corner, and bring out the staplers from behind their backs. Goku jumps up and down happily on Sanzo's shoulder.

Goku: Get her! Get her! Punish the liar! Woot Woot!

Rinoa: What are you doing with those staplers!

Sanzo: Like Goku said, we punish the liar!

Rinoa: All I wanted as a job application! NOOOOOOOOOO!

And so Rinoa is stapled to death and thrown out the window. Happy now Tasha? I have nothing against Rinoa.. but.. y'know, that was fun! Anyway…Then the Saiyuki boys starts heading out for their lunch break.

There you go the 1st chapyer of many! Plz review for chapter 2!

-nellysama


	2. Chapter 2 the plot

The Sanzo Incident II

By NellySama

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except a smexy picture of the Sanzo. XD. I don't own Lord of the Rings.

A/N: Thanks all for taking time the first chapter! Sorry it took so long to get the second one up, I lost the original hand-written document for it, so now.. yeah. There's actually a plot in this one, and it will continue and so on, but this chapter is short., so I can plan for the 3rd and 4th chapters earlier.

Chapter 2: Lord of the Paperclips. –the beginning-

Previously…They all went out to lunch after throwing Rinoa's body out the window.

Now.. They are all sitting at a Chinese restaurant table, Goku sitting on Sanzo's shoulder, who is feeding him rice, and Gojyo and Hakkai are having a drinking contest.

Gojyo: HI HO SILVER AWAY! I WIN! –faints-

Hakkai: No way! You fainted, therefore, I win! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! –sits proudly, poking Gojyo-

Sanzo: -slams his fist into the table- CURSES!

Goku: Squee? –decided to not talk anymore and is now saying 'squee' for everything. Some how everyone knows what he says…-

Hakkai: Wassit Sanzo?

Sanzo: I SAID SHUTUP! We wont do its! –mutters-

Hakkai: Goku?

Goku: -stare- Squee. –nods-

Hakkai: Paperclip? He's fighting with himself, because one of his selves wants to kill someone to get a paperclip?

Goku: -nods- Squee!

Sanzo stands up and drags Gojyo's fainted body out of the buffet and down the street, around a few corners and into a random spot of trees. Goku and Hakkai follow.

Goku: -on Hakkai's shoulder- Squee!

Hakkai: Goku's right Sanzo! Just where are you going!

Sanzo: To the spider! She will take care of him for us! –still dragging Gojyo-

Hakkai: Us? Us three?

Goku: -chews on Hakkai's shirt-

Sanzo: No not you! You is nasty fat hobbit! You knows! –hiss- -talking to himself- Don't worry he wont gets us! Yes you're right. We is safe! –walks off-

Hakkai: NO WAIT! –runs after them, Goku flies off his shoulder and lands in the dirt- Sanzo! Wait!

Sanzo: -turns around-

Gojyo: -wakes up- Huh wha? –sees Hakkai- HAKKAI! –gets up and runs towards him-

Hakkai: -points accusingly at Sanzo- He wants to kill you! With a spider, because he wants the paperclip!

Gojyo: But he had the paperclip! Then why would he want it? –shock and realization-

Hakkai: Maybe he didn't know! OH WAIT! I just had it! Where'd it go?

Hakkai begins to search frantically for the 'paperclip'. Gojyo and Sanzo stare and wait.

Sanzo: Well where is it?

Gojyo: It?

Sanzo: My love, what else? My sweet, sweet Coconut!

Hakkai: AWW SHITE! Goku! Where art thou?

Sanzo: Coconut?

Gojyo: Paperclip!

Somewhere all alone in the dark forest is Goku, still small, sitting on a mountain of dirt, whilist the others search frantically for him.

To be continued…..

Well, how's you like that? A bit short, I know, but I needed to get another chapter out so here it is! Please review and plot ideas for further chapters!

nellysama


	3. Chapter 3

The Sanzo Incident II

By NellySama

A/N: Bwahahaha! Sorry about the shortness of the second chapter! Teehee! I'm not mixing movie plots, Oh no, that's just a figment of your infatuation!

To: One of my reviewers: No, I wasn't drinking when I wrote the 2nd chapter, I'm too young fer that!

Disclaimer: I own not Saiyuki, or the Wizard of Oz, but I do own this odd plot, and the song, "We're off to see the Monkey!"

A/N: And so on, we continue with the chapter. Mind, you, yes, you. This one will be a long one. Oh yeah some language!

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Chapter 3: Lord of the Paperclips – the monkey of Id-

Previously…(where we left off)… Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo lost Goku, who is the 'paperclip' they need, so now they are frantically searching the forest for Goku.

Hakkai: -at the top of his lungs- GOKUU! WHERE ART THOU!

Gojyo: Paperrrcliip! Paperclip! Come out, come out where ever you are!

Suddenly they hear a soft sobbing noise, coming from somewhere behind them. Gojyo and Hakkai look around.

Gojyo: Paperclip? Is that you?

Hakkai: -shakes his head- Mah, Gojyo, its not Goku.

Gojyo: Huh? Fwa? –suddenly forms an speech impediment- Twat Twou twean twits twot Twoku? –stare- (trans: What do you mean its not Goku?)

Hakkai: Well… No da! Look! –points-

Hakkai was pointing at Sanzo, who was silently crying. Both stared at him like he's crazy.

Sanzo: -sniffle- Nani? –sniff- Can't I cry! –bawls- WHY CAN'T I CRY! –breaks down in Gojyo's arms- WHYYY!

Gojyo: Sssh! Sssh! –pets- Twits twokay! Twits Twokay! (trans: Its Okay! Its Okay!)

Hakkai: That's right, We'll find your Goku..paperclip..coconut..thing…-smiles-

Gojyo: -hiss- Twat Twou two twow? Twou two twafing! (trans: What do you know? You know nothing!)

Hakkai: -shock- What? Wha? What did I do!

Gojyo and Sanzo glare at Hakkai, who is utterly confused. Gojyo's impediment disappears!

Sanzo: -still crying- He's right! Fat hobbit knows nothing about my dear Coconut!

Gojyo: Get out of here! –turns to Sanzo- What's a Hobbit?

Silence…

Sanzo: Uhh, Heck if I know. –blink blink- Let's get out of here! –hooks his arms through Hakkai and Gojyo's arms- Lets be off then!

Hakkai: Where are we going? –pause- Ohh! I know!

Gojyo: Yeah! We're going to find the Goku..paperclip..coconut..thing…right?

Sanzo: Huzzah! And we're Off!

And the three skip merrily through the forest, singing;

"We're off to see the Monkey!

The wonderful Monkey of Id!"

Over and over again. Now we turn the lens back on our Little Goku, who, is currently still paperclip sized and is trying to climb on the back of a gigantic turtle! Lets see what happens! Goku no longer speaks in squeaks!

Goku: UGGH! NGGGAA! –jumps up and down, trying to grab hold of the turtle shell. The turtle is sleeping.- C'mon arms reach! Reach! You can do it! –sudden vision of the Geico commercial with the creepy exercise man- GASP! EEEEK! –runs away from the turtle, screaming- NO MOMMY DON'T LET HIM TAKE MY TOESIES! NOOOO!

Goku trips over a huge log (a stick on the ground) and rolls into a flower patch.

Goku: WHEEEEEE! LOOKIT DA PRETTY FLOWERS! –rolls into a flower stem- OWIE! –climbs up the stem and sits on top of the flower, which turns out to be a daisy- Wowwww! –looks out at the vast sea of flowers- Wait… if there are flowers….then that means…

Just then, a loud buzzing sound comes up behind Goku, who sits stiff, not wanting to turn around, but does anyway.

Goku –turns slowly, eyes widen in terror- Oh my… HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS THAT! –shrieks- GET AWAY FROM ME!

Freakishly Humongous Giant Hornet: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ –glare-

Goku: GET AWAY! –backs up to the edge of the flower-

FHGH: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! –glares and moves in closer-

Goku: -its about to eat him- NOO NO NOO! SOMEONE HELP MEEE!

WHOOSSSH! A giant hand comes flying out of nowhere and smacking the bee away into the great oblivion! Sanzo's face appears before Goku, who is clinging to the daisy for his life.

Goku: -looks up- SANZO! –jumps on his face and climbs to sit on the top of Sanzo's head- Thank Buddha! HUZZAH!

Sanzo: BREAK OUT THE CABBAGE! –cheers and walks out of the flower patch-

Goku: Hey! Where's Gojyo and Hakkai?

Sanzo: Ohh they're around here somewhere… -looks around, and points to a tree- They're up there!

Goku: OOMPA LOOMPA! How'd they get up there? Its soooo big and tall! –stares upward-

Sanzo: Ch! No da! A dog came out of nowhere and thought they were cats and chased them up the tree! Mean ol' doggie! –pouts-

Gojyo and Hakkai fall from the tree, landing on all fours, just like cats! Sanzo squeals with glee and his eyes sparkle.

Sanzo: OMIGOSH! KITTIES! Lookie here, Oh Monkey of Id! Kittens! –starts petting Gojyo and Hakkai-

POOF Gojyo and Hakkai turn into white fluffy kittens! Sanzo can't take it!

Sanzo: KITTTIES! MY KITTIES ALL MINE!

Goku: Whee! GIANT KITTIES! YAY!

Sanzo: -starts sneezing uncontrollably- AACHOO AAAACHOOO!

Goku: A shoe? Where!

Hakkai and Gojyo turn back and Sanzo stops sneezing.

Hakkai: There's the shoe! –points to Gojyo's boot- Give it here! The Monkey of Id wants it!

(try to figure out which guy is which Wizard of Oz character! Really easy!)

Sanzo: Yeah! Give it to 'im! C'mon, C'monnn! –Gojyo glares- EEEK!

Gojyo: -grabs his chest and falls over- ACK MY HEART! I have no heart! Woe is me!

Goku: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! –green flames appear- I am the great Monkey of Id! BWAHAHHA BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! (no longer small)

Sanzo: NOOO DON'T HURT MEE! –Hides behind Hakkai-

Hakkai: Get off me you fool and give me those shoes! Do it! Do it now! –shoes are given to him, and a Hakuryu appears and turns into the jeep and Hakkai hops in- KUKUKUKU! I'll get you my pretty! And Your Little Coconut too! –points to Sanzo-

BAMMMM! The ground and explodes and Hakkai is flying off in the jeep laughing like crazy, throwing rocks at them.

Gojyo: LOOK OUT! –jumps on Sanzo-

Goku: Hey what the hell do you think you're doing! HE'S MINE DAMMIT! –kicks Gojyo in the face- BACK OFF THE SANZO!

Sanzo: -unconscious- ….. guhhghgh… -gurgles-

Gojyo: Since when is Sanzo yours!

Goku: Since forever you dumbass! And that's THE Sanzo to you, you filthy cockroach!

Gojyo: -glare, tears in is eyes- YOU MEANIE! –runs off bawling- WHYYY WHYYYYY!

Goku: -smirk- BWAHAHAHAHAH! OH yeah. I'm good. Who da man!

Sanzo: -wakes up- Not you! –gets an idea and a light bulb forms over his head- Hey!... What the heck? –grabs the bulb and stares at it-

Goku: What is that?

Sanzo: A thing…

Goku: Thing?

Sanzo: Yeah, a thing, with stuff that's all glowy and thingish.

Goku: Well that's just thingerific, ain't it?

Sanzo: Totally thinghizzahae!

Sanzo throws the light bulb away into a trash can and Goku and him walk out of the forest and back to the office. They find Hakkai and Gojyo already there stapling a Rinoa picture to the wall. Then the four all grab staple guns and start shooting them at the poster until it is no more. Then their boss walks in.

Boss: Yo ! Works over for today! Geet home, eh!

Goku- snickers-

Boss: Whozzat? Who snickered?

Sanzo: Snicker bar?

Hakkai: Hot dog I'm hungry!

Gojyo: Hungry? Why wait, eat a Snickers! –eats one, facing the camera-

Goku: Who're ya talking to?

Boss: Your momma!

All cept Goku: OOOH BURRRRRNNN!

And so they all continue to throw back and forth lame sayings until the boss leaves and they all collapse on the floor in a huge pile. And so forth the night doth come!

To be continued….

Wheee! Its long!(1295) Please R & R!

-nellysama


	4. Chapter 4

The Sanzo Incident II

By NellySama

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki, Rinoa, Tifa, or patti-cakes…and I don't own green Jello. 

A/N: Sankyuus for all the reviews. Well…yuh. Keeps getting randomer and randomer doesn't it? Heck, and I'm sick to. :3, anou… More Rinoa bashing! Let us jump right into it!

Chapter 4: The Lord of the Paper clips - Return of the Rinoa.- and Quest for Hakuryu part 1 – the candy store-

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Nighttime. After many hours of getting 'burned' by the boss, Goku suddenly collapsed. Sanzo went into a panic, Gojyo and Hakkai played Patti cake.

Sanzo: OH GOD! GOKU WAKE UP! –shakes him- WAKE UP DAMN YOU!

Goku: WHO SAID I FAINTED!

Sanzo: I did.

Goku: Really?

Sanzo: Yeah.

Goku: Cool.

Gojyo: -runs over to Sanzo- Daaa—aaad! Mom stole my patti-cake! –points at Hakkai-

Sanzo: Mother!

Hakkai: It's way to late for sweets and you both know it! –shakes finger-

Sanzo: You didn't have to steal it! –inches away from Hakkai-

Hakkai: Well I did! So there! –sits down in the office chair- AUGH! –starts sobbing-

Goku: OOOOOOH! Dad mad Mom cry!

Gojyo: Meanie Head!

Gojyo is now giving Goku and piggy-back ride, whilist Sanzo tries to comfort Hakkai, who is crying furiously in his arms.

Hakkai: You all hate me don't you!

Sanzo: No, no, no! Its not like that at all! –thinks for a moment-

Hakkai: -sniffle- Then…what is it like?

Sanzo: -quick thinking- Uhh.. We all love you soooo much that it looks like we hate you. –smile-

Hakkai: It only seems?

Sanzo: Yeah.

Hakkai: So when all y'all say those mean things, (mostly you), its your way of showing affection for your wife?

Sanzo: yes, dammit! –hugs Hakkai-

Goku & Gojyo: EWWWWWWWWW Hugging! GROSS! –both giggle like little school girls-

Sanzo: HEY! –stares at Gojyo-

Before Gojyo can respond the door slams open, and Rinoa is standing there with no traces of stapler wounds anywhere. They all stare at her.

Hakkai: YOU! We killed you!

Goku: Well I never!

Rinoa: You'll never defeat me! –throws a penny at Sanzo-

Sanzo: OW!

Gojyo: -gasp- You hit dad!

Rinoa: Bring it!

Then they all commenced in an all out war to kill Rinoa. They beat her with the tape dispenser until she died again. Then, they wrapped her body in packing tape and were about to throw her out the window for good, Tifa walked in. They dropped the corpse.

Gojyo: Who're you!

Goku: NEVER! –hides under the office desk-

Tifa: Is she dead? –kicks Rinoa-

Sanzo: No, she's just sleeping.

Tifa: Well, I'll be taking this, then. –picks up the corpse and walks out-

Hakkai: Where's she going?

Goku: To the window!

They all huddle around the window and look down to see Tifa dropping Rinoa on the sidewalk. Tifa pulls out a gallon of gasoline and squirts it all over and around Rinoa, then light a match and then. **FWOM! ** Tifa laughs maniacally and walks away screaming…

Tifa: HE'S MINE ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHA! I'm coming for you Leon! –runs off-

The guys all stare in wonder until Tifa disappears into the sun. Sanzo attempts to hug the wall.

Sanzo: Dammit! Why wont you hug! –is flat against the wall-

Hakkai: Maybe the wall doesn't love you!

Goku: How can you not love The Sanzo?

Gojyo: I know!

Goku: How?

Gojyo: By hating him!

Hakkai: Aha! Bring out the celebration Jello!

Sanzo runs out of the office and into the lounge and tackles the refrigerator. The boss walks in.

Boss: Didn't I tell you all to geet home? Works over for today.

Sanzo: We're taking the night shift today! –holding a tub of jello-

Boss: What ever fer?

Sanzo: To throw the paperclip into the celebration jello. –shoves it into the Boss's face- See? Its green.

Boss: You all are weird. I'm going to stay and watch you tonight.

Goku suddenly runs in the lounge and tackles Sanzo unconscious, and begins to drag him away, glaring at the boss.

Goku: Trying to steal The Sanzo eh? I'm watching you! He's mine! –bares teeth-

Boss: -backs into a corner- Eeek!

Goku leaves and locks the door, and drags Sanzo back to his office. Hakkai and Gojyo are river dancing.

Gojyo: Huzzah! The monkey of Id doth returns!

Hakkai: Doth? –takes the jello from Sanzo's unconscious body and stirs it with a spork-

Gojyo: Doth sounded cool, okay?

Goku: No! Not okay! –drops Sanzo and jumps into the spinning chair- JELLO!

Sanzo: gugughhh…. –drools-

Gojyo: Aww lookit da baby! Koochi coo! –pokes Sanzo-

Hakkai: Your father isn't a baby! You're grounded! –smacks Gojyo-

Goku: OOOOH! You're grounded! OOOOOOOH! –taunts, while eating the Jello-

Gojyo: I'll ground you, ya stupid monkey! –chases Goku around the room, and gets tripped by the now awake Sanzo-

Sanzo: Quit chasing my coconut, dammit! –tries hugging the wall again-

Hakkai: I don't think the wall will let you hug it, Sanzo. Try hugging the chair? –points to the chair- If the chair doesn't hug back, something is terribly wrong with you. Either that, or inanimate objects can't hug animate objects. –they all stare at him- Uhh.. just thinking out loud. –smiles-

Goku thinks for a minute then jumps on Hakkai's back.

Goku: Hey, Hakkai! Where's Hakuryu?

Hakkai: Heck if I know.

Gojyo: I haven't seen that little bugger in a while…

Sanzo: Goku sold him for beef jerky. –tattletale-

Hakkai: What! –glares at Goku-

Goku: What? I was hungry! –whines, still on his back-

Gojyo: Welp, I guess we better head out on a dangerous adventure to find the person who bought the jeep! –jumps out the window- WHEEEEEE!

Sanzo & Hakkai: -standing over the window ledge- FREAK!

Goku: -looks down- ACK! Too high!

Sanzo: What your problem?

Hakkai: Are you afraid of heights Goku? –takes Goku of his back and puts him on Sanzo's back-

Goku: -clings- YES!

Goku screams bloody murder as Sanzo and Hakkai leap from the window and land in the back of the truck Gojyo found. They all pile inside the truck, Hakkai kicking Gojyo out of the driver seat.

Hakkai: Are we all buckled in? –turns and looks around-

Sanzo: No, Goku's not. –points-

Goku: Stupid car seat!

Hakkai: Gojyo be a dear and buckle in Goku?

Gojyo: Is there a reward for it? –stare-

Sanzo: Yeah, you wont get grounded for a another 5 years.

Gojyo shrieks and quickly buckles Goku and Hakkai drives off down the street. Sanzo rolls down his window and stares at the people on the sidewalk. He spots a man wearing a white lab coat walking into a veterinary hospital.

Sanzo: STOP THE CAR! –braces himself-

Hakkai: OKAY! –slams on the brakes and Gojyo flies into the windshield-

Gojyo: Ow… -climbs back to his spot-

Goku: -looks around- Where are we? Are we at the candy store?

Sanzo: -liar- Yes. C'mon Goku, lets go!

Sanzo gets Goku out of his car seat and puts a collar and leash on him. Hakkai and Gojyo watch sadly as Sanzo and Goku ascend the steps into the vets office. They sit there for about 20 minutes in silence. Suddenly they hear a scream, Goku's scream, and him and Sanzo running out the door.

Goku: DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME SANZO! –leaps into the car, Sanzo following-

Hakkai: -steps on the gas- What was that all about?

Sanzo: I was going to see if anyone took Hakuryu to the vet. I took Goku with me so I could get in but…

Gojyo: But what?

Goku: -bawling- When we walked into the office I had to get a check up and then… and then… they tried to fix me! I don't need to be fixed! It's Gojyo! –bangs his head against the window-

Hakkai: Oh dear. Why don't we all get ice cream, so we can think of where to find Hakuryu?

Goku: As long as its not the Candy store. –glares at Sanzo-

And they drive off into the sunset to the nearest ice cream parlor.

--- End Chapter 4!---

A/N: Woot there it is. Weird, eh? Oh yes, I'm going to try and write a fanfic about how Hakkai got Hakuryu. One-shot. It will be funny, hopefully. I think this story will have at least 2 more chapters, what do you think? I have to get brain storming for this fanfic my friend and I are going to co-write. FFX and FFX-2 crossover.

Anyway… please review and please give suggestions as to where they will find Hakuryu! Poor Goku…

Ja ne! NellySama


	5. Chapter 5

The Sanzo Incident II

By NellySama

Disclaimer: Huh uh. Not owning of the Saiyuki.

A/N: Uhmmm.. Hey y'all! I'm cooking up another fanfic, because this one is ending in one or two more chapters. I'll have you know it involves a 'Teleporter of Doom', as Goku calls it, and some Karaoke! Anyway, this chapter will be weirdish like any other chapter… But! It has Leon, Rinoa, and Tifa, who are Final Fantasy people! Yay!

Btw, you **need** to watch Red vs Blue!

OOCNESS RULES

Chapter Five: Quest For Hakuryu: Part the Last! The Anti-abstinence Freak, Bagel Lord of Waffleland, and Tifa's Penguin. (gee that's long,eh?)

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We left off after Goku was almost fixed and the guys are driving away….

Hakkai: -parks the car- Goku, do you want to go to the candy store?

Goku: -shrieks- NOOO! Don't take me back there! Don't let them take me Sanzo?

Gojyo: Oooh! Candy! Hakkai! Can I go?

Sanzo: No, kappa!

Gojyo: Why not?

Hakkai: Because you weren't almost fixed.

Goku: Yeah! I want Bagels! –jumps out the window-

Sanzo: Coconut! Wait! –follows-

Gojyo: -pout- I want candy…

Hakkai: If you stop being anti-abstinence, I'll think about it.

Gojyo: Whaaat! But- But! Anti-abstinence is my life! That's unfair.

Hakkai: That's why I'm the gingerbread man.

Sanzo slams himself into the windshield.

Hakkai/Gojyo: HOLY PANTS!

Sanzo: I found Hakuryu!

Gojyo: Liar!

Sanzo: -gasp- How'd you know?

Gojyo: I know everything!

Hakkai: Except abstinence! –gets out of the car- Hakuryu! Where are you?

Goku appears from nowhere land, and starts singing…

Goku: Haku-Hakuryu! Where are you? You're ready and you're willin'! I forgot the words…. Haku-Hakuryu! I see you, get ready to catch that villain!

The others applaud wildly.

Sanzo: That's my coconut! –glomp-

Goku: -gasp- Coconut? I'm not Coconut! I'm Bagel! I'm Bagel, Lord of Waffleland!

Hakkai: -gasp- Jiminy Crickets!

Gojyo: Yes?

Sanzo: NO! I am the Lord of the Coconuts! You are my Coconut, Mr. Bagel!

Goku: Never! –grabs Gojyo and runs away-

Hakkai: He took Jiminy! –chases-

Hakuryu appears of Sanzo's shoulder.

Sanzo: Hello!

Hakuryu: Hello! –echo-

Sanzo: I asked you first!

Hakuryu: I asked you first!

Sanzo: Shut up!

Hakuryu: Shut up!

Sanzo: I'm Stupid!

Hakuryu: You're Stupid!

Sanzo: -fist into palm- Curses! He got me! –runs in the direction the others went-

Sanzo keeps running until he comes across a dilapidated building and Rinoa standing next to it.

Sanzo: Sheesh! Don't you die!

Rinoa: Not until Leon is mine!

Leon and Tifa appear in wedding garments.

Leon: Hello Rinoa! –waves-

Tifa: Augh! She's still alive!

Sanzo: That's what I said!

Hakuryu: Cheese!

Tifa pulls out a block of expensive cheddar cheese. Leon pulls out a stick of butter and they launch themselves at Rinoa.

Rinoa: Oh Buckets! –gets hit in the head with butter-

Leon: I'll never be yours!

Tifa: Yaay!

And they proceeded to beat Rinoa to death with cheese and butter, while Sanzo and Hakuryu cheer from the sidelines.

Sanzo/Hakuryu: Go cheese! Go butter! Go cheese and butter! Hooray! Wahoo!

Leon: -picks up a flower and sticks it in Rinoa's nose- The End!

Rinoa: -dead-

Tifa: Huzzah! –her and Leon run of, dragging Rinoa-

Hakuryu: I like brains! –chews on Sanzo's head-

Sanzo: No! My brain! Its my brain to eat! –runs away-

ELSEWHERE

Hakkai: -running- Wait! Come back! Come back with Jiminy!

Goku and Gojyo are far off, ignoring Hakkai as they run into Wal-Mart.

Hakkai: -comes to a halt at the automatic door- Ah mon dieu en patris! (!) Its…It's a… Super Wal-Mart! –shock-

The doors pinged and opened. Hakkai giggled excitedly and skipped inside.

Cart Person: Would you like a cart?

Hakkai: Yes! grabs it and runs to the produce section- Cabbage!

Gojyo comes running out of nowhere and jumps in the cart.

Gojyo: Go! Go! Go! Don't hesitate! Move it Hakkai!

Hakkai: Okay! –runs pushing the cart into the rice and bread section- Quick grab some rice!

Gojyo: I'm allergic to apples! -2ines- How about some pickles instead? –points to the canned food-

Hakkai: Wait! –stare-

Gojyo: What?

Hakkai: Where's Goku…I- mean….Bagel! Lord of Waffleland!

Gojyo: No! I wont tell you! I don't want to go back! I'm done with bagels and Bagel! –mumbles- stupid Bagel…

Goku: -tackles- I heard that, and I'm not stupid! –dramatic thunder, and echoing stuff- For I am, BAGEL! LORD OF WAFFLELAND!

Gojyo shrieks and faints, Hakkai claps wildly with the other shoppers.

Hakkai: Yaay! –thinks- Hey…

Goku: Who?

Gojyo: What?

Goku: When?

Gojyo: Where?

Goku: why?

Gojyo: How?

Hakkai slaps them both and starts pacing back and forth impatiently.

Hakkai: Augh! Where is Sanzo!

Goku: My Sanzo! MINE! –hiss-

Gojyo: Shut up! Gawd! We know already! –thinks- Wait a minute! I didn't see your name on him! So there!

Hakkai: What, you want him now? –raised eyebrow-

Gojyo: Uh.. –sweat drop- No…

Hakkai: good.

Goku runs off to the office supply section and comes back with an arms full of Sharpie markers of the rainbow. Gojyo tries to take one.

Goku: -slaps Gojyo's hand- No! Bad Kappa! Bad Anti-abstinence kappa! No!

Gojyo: -climbs in the cart and whimpers- owie…meanie!

Hakkai: For Pete's sake! –huffs and starts pushing the cart away-

Goku: Hey Hakkai, who's Pete?

Hakkai: What?

Gojyo: Yeah! Hell, even I want to know!

Goku: What you mean **you?** You're not so special, you Anti-abstinence freak!

Gojyo: I'll take that as a compliment!

Somehow they leave Wal-Mart without paying for all the sharpies, and they start down the road looking for Sanzo.

Hakkai: Here Sanzo, Sanzo, Sanzo! Here Sanzo, Sanzo, Sanzo!

Goku: -frantically waving sharpies in the air- We've got sharpies!

Gojyo: Is Sanzo a kitty? I want a kitty! Can I have a kitty?

Hakkai: No.

Gojyo: Why not?

Hakkai: Because Sanzo is allergic! –smiles all knowingly-

Gojyo: Screw Sanzo! I'm getting' a hamster!

Goku: WHAT! No! Don't do that! He's mine you freak! – grabs a sharpie and writes 'Anti-abstinence freak' on Gojyos cheek- Ha! Now everyone will see you for what you really are! Hahahaha!

Hakkai: Ah! Look a pet store! Maybe Sanzo is in there! –peers through the window-

In fact, Sanzo was in there with Hakuryu and Leon. They were helping Leon find a pet for Tifa's birthday.

Sanzo: Is she allergic to anything?

Leon: I..uh… -pauses- I don't know.

Hakuryu: Sanzo's allergic to cats! But not kittens! Weird, eh?

Sanzo: SShh! –pokes Hakuryu- Does Tifa like cats?

Leon: I don't know.

Sanzo: Dogs? –sigh-

Leon: I don't know… -pokes a mouse-

Sanzo: Hamster? –le sigh, again-

Leon: I, Uh, don't know.

Sanzo: -very annoyed- Fish?

Leon: I don't know…

Sanzo: -growls- ….

Hakuryu: Uh oh… here it comes! –hides-

Sanzo: A PENGUIN! DOES TIFA LIKE THEM? WOULD SHE LIKE A FLIPPIN' PENGUIN! HUH! HUH! AND DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT 'I DUNNO' CRAP, LEON!

Leon: -crying- What should I say?

Sanzo: Yes. –breaths- or No. Just Don't. Say. –grits teeth- "I. Don't. Know."

Leon: Okay! –happy-

Sanzo: Well?

Leon: Well what?

Hakuryu: Aw man, c'mon you moron!

Sanzo: -twitching- Would. Tifa. Like. A. Penguin! –glare-

Leon: -cowers- Uhm.. I- D-

Hakuryu: -flies into Leon's face- Don't say it! If you value you life, don't say it!

…TO BE CONTINUED!

End Chapter 5!

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A/N: WEE cliffhanger! Please review please!


	6. Chapter 6

The Sanzo Incident II

By NellySama

Disclaimer: Happy New Year! I don't own saiyuki!

A/N: Hoo boy, this has been a long-long-long break from not updating and I'm very sorry for being neglectful to both of my stories, I don't know which chapter will make it up first, TSI2-Ch6, or TOD-Ch2. I guess this one will. Welp. Happy new year to all you who patiently waited. **FF7-8 and Inu crossover**. This one will be short. Chapter 7 will be the final chapter.

Chapter 6. Tifa's penguin. The death of Kagome's shoe. Mina and Lucy.

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Continuing from where we left off…

Sanzo: -twitching- Would. Tifa. Like. A. Penguin! –glare-

Leon: -cowers- Uhm.. I- D-

Hakuryu: -flies into Leon's face- Don't say it! If you value you life, don't say it!

Leon: -bursts out loudly- YES! Yes! Tifa would love a penguin!

A worker goes into the back room, and comes back out carrying a penguin.

Worker: Here you are sir. Its free so you can stop with the yelling now, thank you. Good bye!

Sanzo, Hakuryu, Leon, and the penguin leave the pet store and run into the others who are just outside. Goku is delighted with the penguin.

Goku: AWWWWWW! THAT IS SOOOOO CUUUUTEE! –hugs the penguin- Whossit fer, Sanzo?

Sanzo: Its Tifa's penguin. Leon got Tifa a penguin.

Hakkai: What about that Rinoa girl? Do you think she'll come back?

Leon: Heck no! By the giving of the penguin to Tifa, it will ensure that Rinoa will forever remain dead. –pets penguin- Isn't that right Mr. Gravy?

Gravy: QUACK!

Gojyo: Heyy…penguins don't quack! –pause- …or do they?

Goku: Do they? I've never heard what sound a penguin makes…but I'm sure its not quack…( penguin, bark like seals sometimes or something and peep like baby chickens when they are babies.)

And thus, Gojyo and Goku are thoroughly stumped by the quacking penguin, Gravy. Suddenly Hakuryu, now on Hakkai's shoulder, begin frantically flapping his wings.

Hakuryu: AAAHHHH!

Hakkai: -clutches Hakuryu- What is it man! Tell me! Snap out of it! –shakes the dragon- WHY WONT YOU SPEAK TO ME! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY –falls to his knees, letting Hakuryu go- What is it that you want!

Hakuryu: I hafta pee! –flaps wildly and runs into a really fancy porta-potty.-

**FLUSH! ** Hakuryu flies out and an awful stench follows suit.

Goku: -gags- Wagg.. Man.. What did you eat?

THUDD. The others except Mr. Gravy fainted from the stench.

Hakuryu: I hate an acorn. They're good, but watch out for that gas afterward. Woo wee! Stankay! –waves tail in front of his nose-

Gravy: MOOOOO! –chews on Goku's leg-

Goku: WAH! MY LEG! Its being chewed on by Mr. Gravy the penguin!

Suddenly Kagome appears and runs into the porta-potty and comes out shortly after. When she comes out she looks really mad.

Goku: …..uhh… He did it! –points to Gravy-

Gravy: OINK! –waddles over to Leon's fainted body-

Kagome: Who done it! –seethes-

Hakuryu: Dun what?

Kagome: -points to the porta-potty- Someone left the seat up in there! I had to waste my precious times but putting it down!

Goku: What are ya? The potty-police?

Kagome: In fact I am! –flashes Potty Police Badge- See? Now if whoever left seat up confesses now, I'll let you off on a warning.

Hakuryu: -flies forward with head low- It was me. I do'od(see A/N) it!

Kagome: Alright! My work here is done! –turns to leave-

Hakuryu zooms in and tackles Kagome's feet, making her trip and one of her shoes comes flying off.

Hakuryu: AHAHHAAA! –eats Kagome's shoe and flies over to Hakkai who woke up.- I have eaten your shoe! Now run little girl, run!

Kagome: Ok! –runs away back to InuYasha Land-

Hakkai: What in the world?

Gojyo: MINA! –glomps Hakkai- Oh! Mina! Guess what Mina?

Sanzo & Goku: What the hell? Who's Mina?

Hakkai: Oh Lucy! How are you? –hugs Gojyo- What is it?

Gojyo: Mina, I've chosen and I love him!

Hakkai: Who, who? –giggles-

Leon awaken and sees that Hakkai and Gojyo are possesses by a scene from Dracula. He grabs Gravy and runs off. Sanzo, Goku, and Hakuryu are left to witness. Hakuryu grows bored and flies away.

Gojyo: I've chosen number 3! –suddenly snaps out of it and jumps away from Hakkai- GASP! WHAT! What happened.

Hakkai: Weeee…-dazed and falls to the ground, when sudden realization hits him. And he quickly stands up- OMIGAWD!

Everyone: What?

Hakkai: CRABBY! –turns to the others- We left crabby! NOOO!

Everyone recalls their exertions on the random island and the insaneness that happened there.

Goku: Oh wow! The island! Wasn't that fun, Sanzo? I wanna go back!

Gojyo: I do to!

Sanzo: NO…yes….no! …-can't contain himself- YES! We are going, and soon the Lord of the Coconuts will reign supreme! BWAAHAHHA!

With that they run off the nearest shipyard and book a trip back to the random island!

To be continued in Chapter 7!

A/n: "He do'od it!" is from those really old Warner bros. cartoons. You remember them right? Yeah. . Chapter seven will be the final chapter, thus making it the longest fanfic as of yet. YET I say, because, hopefully TOD will be longer than that, eh? And hopefully after this fanfic, I can come up with another crazy plot. Maybe an interview fanfic? Please submit your ideas within the reviews please.

Chapter 7 will have their crazy antics amongst the cruise ship and a day back on the random island. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Please review!

-nellysama


	7. Chapter 7

The Sanzo Incident II

Chapter 7: Kitchen With Gojyo, The End...

Here we are at a lovely cruise ship dock and the saiyuki boys are now loaded on and waiting to set sail. After many days and many night they reached the random island they were stranded on in the previous Sanzo Incident. Fond and not so fond memories greeted then and they were again stranded on shore.

Hakkai: -rampant search-CRABBY! CRABBY! WHEREFORARTTHOU CRABBY!

Sanzo: I…..I've got…

Goku: Hungerrr?

Gojyo: Lust?

Sanzo: NO!

BAM! Fireworks and Sanzo is in his hula outfit again.

Sanzo: I"VE GOT THE URGE TO HERBAL! –spins in circles- WHEEEE! CATCH ME BILLY! –jumps to no one and crash lands on a log- owie.

Goku: Someone's in the kitchen with Gojyo, someone's in the kitchen I know oh someone's in the kitchen with Gojyo! Yay its Hakkai! –singing-

Hakkai: -now petting crabby happily.- So long!

Sanzo: Farewell!

Gojyo: Adieu!

Goku: GOOODBYYYEEEEEE!

They all sing that song that the kids sang in the sound of music before going to bed after that party. And they dance the night away merrily singing nonsense and chasing trees, playing chess and yahtzee and Sanzo teaching the others how to hula dance.

The End… or is it?

EXTRA EPILOGUE!

Leon returned to the hotel, wherein Tifa was watching tv. Leon quickly hid Mr. Gravy behind his back.

Leon: Lucy I'm HOOME!

Tifa: Lucy? Who is lucy?

Leon: I dunno..

Tifa: Okay. –spots something-

Leon: What?

Tifa: What's that behind your back?

Takes Mr. Gravy out and hands him to Tifa, who is over joyed to tears.

Tifa: OH THANK YOU LEON!

And so they commence to make out and stuff. :3.

The End.

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Hecka short eh? Well whats done is done, eh? XD. I'm soooo tired. I'll be going to be now. And now you can start reading my other saiyuki fanfiction. :3

I hope you enjoyed the show.

nellysama


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